it all began with a panic attack

Hearing about Jesus is enough, but experiencing Jesus changes things for everyone! Some of my first memories as a little girl are centered around my understanding of faith and who I believed Jesus was. I remember going to a Carman concert and worshipping for the first time with strangers (aka brothers and sisters in Christ). I also remember getting out of my bed and praying on my knees in my bedroom around the age of 7. These are some of my first memories of my childhood that pertain to faith in Jesus.

Looking back, I’m convinced these experiences were the grace and mercy of God, as my home life wasn't a desirable one. Up to this point, If there had been anyone who had modeled what it looked like to fellowship with Jesus, I’m not aware of it.

My heart has always been to please the Lord, but along the way, I learned to depend on self and not realizing my understanding of who Jesus was, was shallow, inaccurate and extremely lacking. Pair this deficit with a health scare and you have a recipe for disaster!

After passing out early one morning and having to undergo multiple brain scans, heart tests, and blood draws, onIy to find it was a vasovagal syncope response, I was left with paralyzing fear of death, confusion, doubt, grief, anxiety and overwhelming chaos in my mind. For the first time in my life, I couldn't make sense of anything and I didn't understand where God was.

Over the next four years, I spent countless days and nights, clinging to Jesus the only way I knew how, trying to cope and convince myself that I was going to survive, that Jesus didn't abandon me, He is who He says He is, and that God was still good.

I was desperate and God revealed to me where my treasures were and where I had ultimately placed my faith.

On my journey, the Lord led me to a Ministry that helped me to understand Jesus’ heart for me, through reading scripture and praying. During my ministry time with them, I encountered Jesus…..just He and I in my mess. Nothing in between….He showed up!!!! He met with me!!!!

Jesus revealed lies I had been believing, pain that I was carrying, unrepentant sin, and most importantly, how much He loves me!

My wilderness experience lasted longer than I wanted it to and honestly, perhaps longer than it would've needed to had I understood who Jesus truly is, knew what scripture had to say about him and that he's already gone before me and given me ALL that I need to thrive, no matter what comes my way.

Psalm 46 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” We all know the verse, but do we practice it in our lives? One encounter with Jesus changed everything for me. And there have been more encounters. God took me through the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face; He stripped me of everything that got in the way of my relationship with Him.

Yes, God has taken what the enemy meant for evil and is using it for my good. Through my journey, by the grace and mercy of God, the blood of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, my heart has experienced healing, my hope has been restored, and my hands are ready to serve the youngest of these.

I can’t wait to walk your daughter through encountering Jesus!

Kandis